life as it is

These last several days I have pondered like I've never pondered before. My mind as been going in about 100 different directions, but most of my thoughts always come back to my girls and the topic of parenting.  I have felt like I have slacked off a bit in the "teaching my children gospel principles" department, and it hit me just the other day that Sailor will be 3 in a few months.  This means I have 2 years left before my sweet, precious, little, innocent, daughter starts life in the real world- as a kindergartener.  You may all be laughing at that phrase, but seriously this kills me inside. Will she be ready? Will I have done my best to prepare her for what is going to be thrown in her face- the good and the bad...and the really bad?  I have this picture in my mind that also kills me.....Sailor with back pack in tow, standing, and facing the back of the school bus.  All I can see in this picture is Sailor surrounded by light and then beyond that thin layer of brightness there is a thick layer of darkness-darkening and darkening.  That darkness is flooding with  pictures of kids engrossed in vulgarity, immorality, and lies. I know...I know, this sounds ridiculous but this same picture that I am trying to describe in words is one I always end up visualizing when I feel like I need to do better as a parent. I can't help but picture this sweet child having to face so much a young child should never have to face for years and years.

The point is, I want my young, innocent, child to know the things that will truly make her happy in her life.  I want her to learn as much from me as possible.  I want her to feel love, peace, and joy at home so that when she is away from it, she will feel and know the difference.  I want her to know that there is a being that is trying to bring her down- that same being who selfishly wants to see her unhappy and fail.  I want and need her to know there is also a more true and loving being who is her Father in Heaven.  He, who is filled with love, is more generous and kind, most selfLESS,  and infinitely more powerful than any other.  Sailor and Seryn both need to know their Heavenly Father has the superior plan, not Satan and the world he is taking over.

I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I know as parents we have that OBLIGATION to teach our children.  I use the word "OBLIGATION" here because as special and amazing being a parent is, the responsibility we have to teach our children is a bigger task then I think most of us realize until we are forced to raise and teach our children- and it's hard....and I only have dealt with a not quite 3-year old and 9 month old...yikes, I have a lot coming.

Another thing my mind as been focused on is the speed of life.  I look at my Seryn and realize she is just a few months from being 1 year old and with so much joy that has brought, along comes a hurt  to my heart.  Did I really appreciate and spend as much time with her as I could have?  Am I missing out WAY more on her life now compared to Sailor's? I remember at this point in Sailor's life I was planning for baby #2, so I couldn't help but think about that, until I thought about it for a brief moment and wanted to pull my hair out..."I swear I was JUST pregnant and JUST had a newborn-I couldn't POSSIBLY even think about #3!" I have had to force myself to come to the conclusion that life will ALWAYS be changing... and to me that brings a little sadness.  I have come to realize that I am in a time in my life that  I will and always have my time spread thin.  Even if that is ONLY spread on all good things.  Trying to be so involved in a child's life, as much as I spent with the previous child, is never going to be possible. Once I had Sailor I transitioned from student & wife to student & wife & mom. Now, with Seryn I have transitioned to wife & mom & mom & wife & stay at home woman.  I feel like life is like a HUGE transition phase- always having to adjust to something new.  I was reading through a friend's blog today and read a quote she posted. She too was venting about life "transitioning" all the time so I was so happy to have read it. This quote describes the reality of life- always moving and changing.... Thanks, Katelyn! ;)


Gordon B. Hinckley:
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.  Most putts don't drop.  Most beef is tough.  Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration.  Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.
Life is like an old-time rail journey- delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.  The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

Don't you love Pres. Hinckley? And, moms, doesn't that quote describe motherhood perfectly..? :) I miss him. Speaking of, I also read this quote on pinterest the other day given by his wife.  She too is amazing and, heck her quote can fit right here:

Majorie Pay Hinckley:
"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.  I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.  I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children.  I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.  I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.  I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived!

...Life is a ride, and should be! Taken from the wise words of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, I hope we all can take what comes and love it!

PS I just want to confirm and clearly state that I love my job as a mom-I really do! I wanted to clarify that just in case my rambling gets misunderstood. :)